Hellooo
It's January 1st, 2011. Holy crap.
I spent my New Year's Eve/New Year's Day morning over at Olivera's house with a bunch of friends, some old and some new. We played board games, video games, card games, and chatted a LOT. There were 9 people there altogether (Olivera, Kat, Kim, Kayla, Daniel, Lily, Binita, and Nancy) and 4 of those people (Olivera, Kim, Binita and I) had a sleepover. At midnight, we sat in the living room watching the MuchMusic concert and counted down. We drank sparkling apple and raspberry juice at midnight and clinked our glasses together. The last people to head home, Kat and Daniel, left at about 1 or 2 AM. After that, the 4 of us who remained talked... and talked... and talked... We eventually fell asleep at about 6 AM. Mostly, we weren't tired, though. I think we could've talked the whole night through if we hadn't dreaded the sleep-hangover that would have awaited us. We woke up at around 11 or 12, and chatted and watched TV until about 4 or 5 PM.
The nature of the celebration of the New Year I attended, as well as various other things going on in my life, has made me realize how much has changed in the last year. Last year, I knew less than half of the attendants of that party, including myself. This year, I stay up until 6 AM talking with them. I'm going to another New Year's celebration tomorrow with the same sort of crowd, the affectionately-nicknamed Kinderninjas, who, likewise, were all but strangers to me at this time last year; one of them is an acquaintance from elementary school that I started talking to regularly only last year, and the other is a friend-of-a-friend who I started talking to and, through an attempt to foster romance, grew close to and remain close with, even though my romantic interests have waned. Other than those two, I didn't know any of the people who I'll be laughing and chatting with tomorrow.
Naturally, when you acquire new friends, you think about the role of the old ones. I don't think that much has changed with my old friends, even my oldest friends, but sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one... I wonder a lot if my old friends feel like I'm ditching them or whatever for new friends. If that's the case... well, I know a few of you read this blog, and I want you to know that's not my intent. I do try to treat all my friends equally... I admit that at times I've felt like some of my older friends have 'moved on' from me, but I also recognize that they were probably not the only ones moving away from the old relationship. Things change, people change, I recognize that. For me, it wasn't a conscious change. It was just natural momentum. I want to keep my old friends and the new ones. I don't mean to prioritize one over the other, and I really do try not to.
Unfortunately -- and this is kind of petty -- for me, this issue of juggling different groups of friends is going to become important very soon because my birthday's in less than 2 weeks, and I'm wondering what the hell I'm going to do to celebrate it. Like I said, I don't want to alienate or offend anyone, but the fact is my friend's group has nearly doubled in size since last year because of the addition of the kinderninjas to my social life. I mean, I don't think I'd invite the lot of them. I'm not that close with every single one of them, but I'd want to invite a few of them. And then I have my oldest group of friends from elementary school, and then my middle group of friends that were more or less Writers' Club. I mean, I just made a list of people that I consider to be close friends who I would want at my birthday party, and it's 12 people. That's way too many. And so who do I cut? I can't cut ANY of them, that's the problem. So, like last year, I might just do the diplomatic thing and not have a birthday party with friends at all.
I've also been thinking a lot about romantic love and what 'Mr Right' should be like, and more importantly, the hypothetical of what I would do if I met a guy who fulfilled all my weird little... I don't want to say fetishes. Uhh. Attractions. xD; Like, my crushes (on men real and fictional) have always been a bit... scattered. The real-life crushes have been kind of odd, but it was that oddness that united them. Almost every single guy I've ever liked has been funny and geeky. The fictional crushes have been noticeably divided into two categories: silent types and snarkers. The silent type is the typical tall-dark-n-handsome type who is silent and exudes this thing of like fierce loyalty and protection. The snarker type is like... apathetic and very sarcastic and funny with a sharp wit. Okay, so let's study these... geeky/funny, silent/loyal, and witty/sarcastic. ...Is there a guy who exists like this...? Like, I don't mean "Oh, he's kind of quiet around people he doesn't know but he's funny as hell if you know him well," I mean like... all of these. To the extreme. I also have various other odd aesthetic likes, like I like guys with curly hair, pretty eyes, glasses, musical talent... Those aren't necessary, of course, but they are nice.
Okay, and, say if I DID find this guy, what the hell would I do? Like, think about it for yourself. What would you do if you found a guy who PERFECTLY fit all of your requirements? For me, I've always convinced myself that finding such a guy was impossible, and I was going to have to settle for a diluted version, or a guy who was SOME of what I liked but not ALL of it. But... yeah... IDK... If I found someone who was so amazing and seemingly perfect it would scare me... Because nothing is perfect, so he's not perfect obviously. Also I'd be afraid of like... if I DID go for it and it didn't go well, I'd be afraid that I'd never find someone as good. So. I don't know. ._.
I don't know why I've been thinking about all of this lately... Just been hanging out with a lot of people over the break, doing a lot of chatting, and having a LOT of free time to think about these things.
Anyways, I'm going to end it here. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and I hope that your year is excellent. :)
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