Godfuckingdamnit
It's getting really hard to not overanalyze stuff when it seems to scream HOLY CRAP BALLS HE LIKES YOU
Okay. So. Long story short, recently I went to a birthday party. The guy I liked was there. Towards the end of the night when it was getting chill and quiet and I was kind of bored/sad, we were sitting beside each other on the couch. He sang the first line of a song that we both like to me, just quiet enough so I could hear it. No one else in the room even knew the song, and he's DEFINITELY not the type to randomly sing. I sort of giggled and glanced over at him, and he was looking away, smiling. I figured he just wanted to cheer me up. Kind of potentially romantic but also definitely potentially platonic.
I have problems with overanalyzing little moments and building them up to much more than they are and just getting hurt later, so I tried to not think about it too hard.
Here's the rub: I couldn't remember what song it was. It was an artist I've recently started to like who has an extensive discography, and it was a song I definitely recognized but didn't place.
Today, I realized what song it was as I was about to go to bed, listening to my iPod and dancing around as I got ready for bed. It was a fucking love song. The artist we both like does NOT write many love songs. I think he has like 5 love songs in total, out of his 80 or so songs.
What. The. Shit.
One could easily dismiss this as just being a random song that was stuck in his head that he knew I liked, which I'm trying very very hard to do. But, to be honest... there's been a LOT of stuff that I've been dismissing as coincidence. So much stuff that I can't really silence the little voice in my head that says that it isn't a coincidence, no matter how hard I try to silence it.
Fucking fuck. I told myself I would not get this into him, that I wouldn't allow myself to hope anything would happen.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Post the Fiftieth: Animal
I CAN'T GET THIS SONG OUT OF MY HEAD
Maybe because I've listened to it like a dozen times since I discovered it this morning.
But still.
Animal by Neon Trees... good song. Good song.
Here we go again
I wanna be more than friends
So take it easy on me
I'm afraid you're never satisfied
Here we go again
We're sick like animals,
We play pretend
You're just a cannibal
And I'm afraid I won't get out alive
No, I won't sleep tonight
Oh oh, I want some more
Oh oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh oh, I want some more
Oh oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Here we are again
I feel the chemicals kicking in
It's getting heavy
And I wanna run and hide
I wanna run and hide
I do it every time
You're killing me now
And I won't be denied by you
The animal inside of you
Oh oh, I want some more
Oh oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh oh, I want some more
Oh oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Hush hush, the world is quiet
Hush hush, we both can't fight it
It's us that made this mess
Why can't you understand?
Woah, I won't sleep tonight
I won't sleep tonight
Here we go again
Here we go again
Here we go again
Oh oh, I want some more
Oh oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh oh, I want some more
Oh oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
What are you waiting?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh oh, I want some more
Oh oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Maybe because I've listened to it like a dozen times since I discovered it this morning.
But still.
Animal by Neon Trees... good song. Good song.
Here we go again
I wanna be more than friends
So take it easy on me
I'm afraid you're never satisfied
Here we go again
We're sick like animals,
We play pretend
You're just a cannibal
And I'm afraid I won't get out alive
No, I won't sleep tonight
Oh oh, I want some more
Oh oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh oh, I want some more
Oh oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Here we are again
I feel the chemicals kicking in
It's getting heavy
And I wanna run and hide
I wanna run and hide
I do it every time
You're killing me now
And I won't be denied by you
The animal inside of you
Oh oh, I want some more
Oh oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh oh, I want some more
Oh oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Hush hush, the world is quiet
Hush hush, we both can't fight it
It's us that made this mess
Why can't you understand?
Woah, I won't sleep tonight
I won't sleep tonight
Here we go again
Here we go again
Here we go again
Oh oh, I want some more
Oh oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh oh, I want some more
Oh oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
What are you waiting?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh oh, I want some more
Oh oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Post the Forty-First: Gigglegigglegiggle
Concert was yesterday. I've already given you all a detailed rundown. It was kind of amazing and whenever I'm bored or sad I think of another funny moment and just start laughing again. It was pretty much 4 hours of awesomeness. It honestly felt like a dream... Like, I have trouble believing it actually happened... Some parts kind of read like fanfiction... BUT MOVING ON.
Okay, tell me your opinion on this: Do you think it's a good thing or a bad thing if a song lyric that made sense to you 8 years ago (for me, when I was 11) still makes PERFECT SENSE now? Like, in relation to my life. If it's a love song. Frick. ><;;
Michelle Branch was one of the first musicians I got very obsessed with and I still enjoy her music today. But like... yeah... I was thinking about things and stuff and a lyric popped into my head that fit the situation PERFECTLY. Googled it. Oh. It's a Michelle Branch. *HEADFUCKINGDESK*
I don't know why this bothers me so much. I guess it makes me feel like I haven't grown much emotionally, which kind of freaking sucks.
On the plus side, it's a lyric that I never really identified with. But still. Jeez.
Reading Break is almost over, which bums me out... especially since I've got to work all day tomorrow and there's like a sea of midterms looming on the horizon... Sighhh. Goodbye happiness...
Oh well. I'll just listen to LOTS and LOTS of Darren Criss.
(...Listening to some right now but that's pure coincidence.)
I'm becoming a less inhibited person. I know I've mentioned this before, but... yeah... just noticing it more and more. Nothing too groundbreaking, just basically plucking up the courage to do more and more things... freaking out my friends and family in the process...
Speaking of inhibitions, after thinking about it for a bit today, I think I've realized why I, at this point, really don't want to drink. Everyone knows that alcohol takes away some of your inhibitions. For me, my inhibitions are basically everything. That's kinda sad, but true. I've built a lovely little shield around myself. I'm comfy in my bubble of inhibitions. Alcohol is like the hammer that smashes that bubble. And, um, do not want. So yeahh... I mean, for a long time, I thought it was because of the whole dad situation, but that's more where my fear of drunken people stems from; doesn't really explain why I don't want to drink. Fear of losing my inhibition-bubble would explain it fantastically. But, like I said, the inhibition-bubble is becoming thinner and thinner as time goes on. So, IDK, maybe one day I'll be comfortable enough to drink. Right now, though, I'm not quite ready to take that step.
Might seem kind of extreme -- like, "What are you so afraid of letting show?" But you all should know by now that I live by the phrase, "Hope for the best, plan for the worst." I'm imagining inhibition loss of epic proportions. All my deepest, darkest secrets yodeled to the people I want to impress most when sober. Nooooot really ready for that. And you could say, "Well, just drink with people you aren't afraid to be yourself with." To which I would say, "I have confidence in my drunk dialing abilities."
But anyways, yeah. There.
Anyways, it's getting a bit late and I'm running out of things to talk about.
If you want to get nearly constantly barraged with information about what's on my mind, feel free to check out my Tumblr.
Okay, tell me your opinion on this: Do you think it's a good thing or a bad thing if a song lyric that made sense to you 8 years ago (for me, when I was 11) still makes PERFECT SENSE now? Like, in relation to my life. If it's a love song. Frick. ><;;
Michelle Branch was one of the first musicians I got very obsessed with and I still enjoy her music today. But like... yeah... I was thinking about things and stuff and a lyric popped into my head that fit the situation PERFECTLY. Googled it. Oh. It's a Michelle Branch. *HEADFUCKINGDESK*
I don't know why this bothers me so much. I guess it makes me feel like I haven't grown much emotionally, which kind of freaking sucks.
On the plus side, it's a lyric that I never really identified with. But still. Jeez.
Reading Break is almost over, which bums me out... especially since I've got to work all day tomorrow and there's like a sea of midterms looming on the horizon... Sighhh. Goodbye happiness...
Oh well. I'll just listen to LOTS and LOTS of Darren Criss.
(...Listening to some right now but that's pure coincidence.)
I'm becoming a less inhibited person. I know I've mentioned this before, but... yeah... just noticing it more and more. Nothing too groundbreaking, just basically plucking up the courage to do more and more things... freaking out my friends and family in the process...
Speaking of inhibitions, after thinking about it for a bit today, I think I've realized why I, at this point, really don't want to drink. Everyone knows that alcohol takes away some of your inhibitions. For me, my inhibitions are basically everything. That's kinda sad, but true. I've built a lovely little shield around myself. I'm comfy in my bubble of inhibitions. Alcohol is like the hammer that smashes that bubble. And, um, do not want. So yeahh... I mean, for a long time, I thought it was because of the whole dad situation, but that's more where my fear of drunken people stems from; doesn't really explain why I don't want to drink. Fear of losing my inhibition-bubble would explain it fantastically. But, like I said, the inhibition-bubble is becoming thinner and thinner as time goes on. So, IDK, maybe one day I'll be comfortable enough to drink. Right now, though, I'm not quite ready to take that step.
Might seem kind of extreme -- like, "What are you so afraid of letting show?" But you all should know by now that I live by the phrase, "Hope for the best, plan for the worst." I'm imagining inhibition loss of epic proportions. All my deepest, darkest secrets yodeled to the people I want to impress most when sober. Nooooot really ready for that. And you could say, "Well, just drink with people you aren't afraid to be yourself with." To which I would say, "I have confidence in my drunk dialing abilities."
But anyways, yeah. There.
Anyways, it's getting a bit late and I'm running out of things to talk about.
If you want to get nearly constantly barraged with information about what's on my mind, feel free to check out my Tumblr.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Post the Thirty-Ninth: Here Comes the Sun
Helloooo
I am in such a better mood than I was a week ago. For serious.
I've been really... moodswingy, to put it lightly, lately. Mostly with negative emotions. So, that hasn't been fun. :| But, um...
Well. I got my period.
For some reason this made me feel a LOT better. IDK. My hormones are effed up.
Anyways, yeah, I'm feeling pretty fantastic right now actually.
My weekends for the next 3 weeks are going to be composed primarily of awesome. Here's why!
This weekend: Kim's birthday party, including sleepover. Hurrah. :) Always lots of fun.
Next weekend: I'm going to my first concert! (More on this later.)
Next-next weekend: Tyler's birthday party. Woot woot!
SO YEAH CONCERT. :D
It's a Jonathan Coulton concert. Yes. I know none of you know him. That's alright. He's amazing. Here's one of his songs, the first one I ever heard.
So yeah, I'm pretty stoked. I'm going with Laura and Aaron C. Excited excited excited excited. I've never been to a concert before, eeee. :DD It's at the Rio Theatre by Commercial/Broadway Station.
My computer crashed on Monday but it's up and running again. I pretty much lost all my data. So. There's THAT. But whatever, it's working again.
Oh! I got a new cell phone. It's a Samsung Galaxy S, and it's a smartphone. Feel free to text me whenever, cause I've got unlimited texting. :D I've also got unlimited social networking (ie: Facebook) and can connect to the internet if there's wireless around. Also, it's an Android, so I can get a TON of apps for it!! Including one that lets me customize my ringtone and notification sounds. :D I made them super-nerdy of course. It's pretty awesome. The only thing that's a bit of a downgrade is I no longer have caller ID, which has led to a lot of confusion when I have missed called. ><;
I'm enjoying Glee right now. Well, specifically, I'm enjoying Klaine, AKA Kurt and Blaine. And by 'enjoying', I mean 'reading fanfiction almost constantly' and 'replaying the few short scenes of it a few times every day'. This week's episode was so good for Klaine. SO GOOD. So. Yeah. I'm stoked for next week's, to see the developments. :)
While my computer was crashed, I read the first book of the Hunger Games series. It was pretty good, I'd recommend reading it. Working on the second one right now, might read the rest of it tomorrow. Susan lent me the first one, and after I read it in a day, she lent me the other two for reading break. I can maybe return one of them to her at Kim's party. :)
So overall I'm just in a happy mood, enjoying life. Yay. :)
Oh, BTW, I've sort of become obsessed with Tumblr which is the hybrid of Facebook status updates and blogs. Basically it's just a place for random shit. Feel free to check out my page. I update a LOT. How many have I posted today, let's see... about 15. Yeah. I'm obsessed.
I am in such a better mood than I was a week ago. For serious.
I've been really... moodswingy, to put it lightly, lately. Mostly with negative emotions. So, that hasn't been fun. :| But, um...
Well. I got my period.
For some reason this made me feel a LOT better. IDK. My hormones are effed up.
Anyways, yeah, I'm feeling pretty fantastic right now actually.
My weekends for the next 3 weeks are going to be composed primarily of awesome. Here's why!
This weekend: Kim's birthday party, including sleepover. Hurrah. :) Always lots of fun.
Next weekend: I'm going to my first concert! (More on this later.)
Next-next weekend: Tyler's birthday party. Woot woot!
SO YEAH CONCERT. :D
It's a Jonathan Coulton concert. Yes. I know none of you know him. That's alright. He's amazing. Here's one of his songs, the first one I ever heard.
So yeah, I'm pretty stoked. I'm going with Laura and Aaron C. Excited excited excited excited. I've never been to a concert before, eeee. :DD It's at the Rio Theatre by Commercial/Broadway Station.
My computer crashed on Monday but it's up and running again. I pretty much lost all my data. So. There's THAT. But whatever, it's working again.
Oh! I got a new cell phone. It's a Samsung Galaxy S, and it's a smartphone. Feel free to text me whenever, cause I've got unlimited texting. :D I've also got unlimited social networking (ie: Facebook) and can connect to the internet if there's wireless around. Also, it's an Android, so I can get a TON of apps for it!! Including one that lets me customize my ringtone and notification sounds. :D I made them super-nerdy of course. It's pretty awesome. The only thing that's a bit of a downgrade is I no longer have caller ID, which has led to a lot of confusion when I have missed called. ><;
I'm enjoying Glee right now. Well, specifically, I'm enjoying Klaine, AKA Kurt and Blaine. And by 'enjoying', I mean 'reading fanfiction almost constantly' and 'replaying the few short scenes of it a few times every day'. This week's episode was so good for Klaine. SO GOOD. So. Yeah. I'm stoked for next week's, to see the developments. :)
While my computer was crashed, I read the first book of the Hunger Games series. It was pretty good, I'd recommend reading it. Working on the second one right now, might read the rest of it tomorrow. Susan lent me the first one, and after I read it in a day, she lent me the other two for reading break. I can maybe return one of them to her at Kim's party. :)
So overall I'm just in a happy mood, enjoying life. Yay. :)
Oh, BTW, I've sort of become obsessed with Tumblr which is the hybrid of Facebook status updates and blogs. Basically it's just a place for random shit. Feel free to check out my page. I update a LOT. How many have I posted today, let's see... about 15. Yeah. I'm obsessed.
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