I'm writing this blog post from the 4th floor of the SFU library, on the side opposite the convo mall that overlooks the road. It's snowing right now. I know that, y'know, it's been snowing a lot in Vancouver recently, but today was my first time seeing it. I saw it today when I got off the SFU bus.
I always forget how much I love falling snow. I mean, I know it's just subzero precipitation, but it never fails to take my breath away. Maybe it's because it usually doesn't snow much here, or maybe it's just because of the way it makes everything seem a bit more magical. Along with snow, the city is blanketed with a muffled quiet.
Along with the natural beauty, I have to admit the side benefits of it are nice. This year is the first I've ever seen a largeish body of water frozen over thick. The pond in the AQ is frozen over and people are 'skating' on it, sliding over it, twirling, surreptitiously taking chairs from inside SFU and creating sort of sleds on the ice with them... Along with the beauty of snow, it tends to bring out a certain joy in most. Snow reminds us of elementary school snow days, throwing snow balls, making snow men, and stomping in pristine, untouched snow, just to hear the satisfying crunch.
True, it's cold outside. But, conversely, it feels so very warm and cozy inside. Maybe it's just because I'm wearing more layers than usual (yesterday, I wore underwear, 2 layers of socks, 3 layers of pants (tights, shorts, and jeans) and 3 layers of tops (tank top, cardigan, hoodie) as well as a knit hand, scarf, and coat when I was outside).
We should enjoy the snow while it lasts, because, according to the forecast, temperatures will rise again soon, and the usual Vancouver rain will return in full force.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Post the Twenty-Ninth: Simplicity
Hello~
I'm longing for some simplicity right now. It seems like there's so much going on, I just want to sit and relax...
I know it's bad, but when some of your friends are having difficulty with their own social life, with frenemies and drama and all that, it makes you appreciate just how easy and simple your own friendships are. It also makes you miss the ones you've been neglecting and call them up. (Sarah. <3)
Winter has struck and I am honestly caught between loving it and hating it. I'm usually a fan of winter, but it happened a bit suddenly this year... It must also be said that SFU is colder than the rest of the city, being on a mountain. The pond in the AQ was frozen over fairly thickly today. That is what really made the fact that it's winter cement in my brain. (That, and the fact that when I saw this, I was trying to bury my face into my scarf against the cold.)
NaNoWriMo is a struggle right now. I have like NO free time, and the free time I do have seems to slip away really quickly. I'm about 10k words behind now... Sigh. I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish the 50k goal by the end of the month. :| I'm really happy with how the story is going -- I actually skimmed through the whole thing yesterday and was incredibly pleased and surprised with it. It was a definite ego boost. I'm a funny person, it seems. xD;
School... school. I'm just waiting for term to end. TWO WEEKS! Unbelievable but true, and coming right on time. I have 6 more tests and 1 more essay to conquer and then I'm done for the term. I had a test today that I probably did not do well on, which kind of sucks because it's worth 35% of the term. But, y'know, I was averaging 91% before that, and there's still another test. I figure I can pull out a solid B of the class.
I've been thinking about love and wondering about various menfolk in my life... The problem with me is that I'm very suggestible; that is, if you say to me, "I think you two would make a good couple," I think about it a LOT, and more often than not end up having a bit of a crush. This also happens if I think that to myself obviously. But yeah. I don't know. I guess I just would like a boyfriend who I really like. That would be nice. Winter always makes me a bit lonely. I think it's because so many holidays happen, and I think of how I might spend them if I had a boyfriend. Also because I get very cold, and it'd be nice to hold hands with someone to warm them up instead of jamming them in your pockets.
I've been enjoying music a lot lately. A particular favourite is Fuck You by Cee Lo Green. It's such an upbeat song. I absolutely love the music video for it too. We need more 3-girl backup singers. :3 (I'll admit the line "I guess he's an X-Box and I'm more of an Atari" is also pretty win.)
I went to go see Harry Potter 7 on opening night. It was... well. It was concentrated win. As you guys know, I am a pretty big Potter nerd, maybe more than I ever really let on in public. So, y'know, being with a bunch of other people who were similar... yeah. It's really special. I guess it's a similar sort of feeling that you get at anime cons: that you're surrounded people who won't judge you, but will embrace you for things you love; that even though you've never talked to these people, they are similar to you. I'm not a spiritual person, but honestly (and you may laugh at this) when you realize that strangers aren't so different from you and that these are all people you could be friends with, it's... well, it's sort of a uniting thing.
Anyways, it's getting pretty late and oh myyy I have class in 9 hours, have to wake up in 7 hours, and have to leave the house in 8 hours... Good night.
I'm longing for some simplicity right now. It seems like there's so much going on, I just want to sit and relax...
I know it's bad, but when some of your friends are having difficulty with their own social life, with frenemies and drama and all that, it makes you appreciate just how easy and simple your own friendships are. It also makes you miss the ones you've been neglecting and call them up. (Sarah. <3)
Winter has struck and I am honestly caught between loving it and hating it. I'm usually a fan of winter, but it happened a bit suddenly this year... It must also be said that SFU is colder than the rest of the city, being on a mountain. The pond in the AQ was frozen over fairly thickly today. That is what really made the fact that it's winter cement in my brain. (That, and the fact that when I saw this, I was trying to bury my face into my scarf against the cold.)
NaNoWriMo is a struggle right now. I have like NO free time, and the free time I do have seems to slip away really quickly. I'm about 10k words behind now... Sigh. I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish the 50k goal by the end of the month. :| I'm really happy with how the story is going -- I actually skimmed through the whole thing yesterday and was incredibly pleased and surprised with it. It was a definite ego boost. I'm a funny person, it seems. xD;
School... school. I'm just waiting for term to end. TWO WEEKS! Unbelievable but true, and coming right on time. I have 6 more tests and 1 more essay to conquer and then I'm done for the term. I had a test today that I probably did not do well on, which kind of sucks because it's worth 35% of the term. But, y'know, I was averaging 91% before that, and there's still another test. I figure I can pull out a solid B of the class.
I've been thinking about love and wondering about various menfolk in my life... The problem with me is that I'm very suggestible; that is, if you say to me, "I think you two would make a good couple," I think about it a LOT, and more often than not end up having a bit of a crush. This also happens if I think that to myself obviously. But yeah. I don't know. I guess I just would like a boyfriend who I really like. That would be nice. Winter always makes me a bit lonely. I think it's because so many holidays happen, and I think of how I might spend them if I had a boyfriend. Also because I get very cold, and it'd be nice to hold hands with someone to warm them up instead of jamming them in your pockets.
I've been enjoying music a lot lately. A particular favourite is Fuck You by Cee Lo Green. It's such an upbeat song. I absolutely love the music video for it too. We need more 3-girl backup singers. :3 (I'll admit the line "I guess he's an X-Box and I'm more of an Atari" is also pretty win.)
I went to go see Harry Potter 7 on opening night. It was... well. It was concentrated win. As you guys know, I am a pretty big Potter nerd, maybe more than I ever really let on in public. So, y'know, being with a bunch of other people who were similar... yeah. It's really special. I guess it's a similar sort of feeling that you get at anime cons: that you're surrounded people who won't judge you, but will embrace you for things you love; that even though you've never talked to these people, they are similar to you. I'm not a spiritual person, but honestly (and you may laugh at this) when you realize that strangers aren't so different from you and that these are all people you could be friends with, it's... well, it's sort of a uniting thing.
Anyways, it's getting pretty late and oh myyy I have class in 9 hours, have to wake up in 7 hours, and have to leave the house in 8 hours... Good night.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Post the Twenty-Eighth: Hyperhyperhyperhyper
HELLO ALL
So I'm reaaaaally hyper and I don't know why. I think it's because I ate breakfast today. Like a proper breakfast. Well, not really a proper breakfast. I had Poptarts and Coke. YEAHHH NOT HEALTHY BUT SOOO DELICIOUS
I had a German test this morning. I was kind of panicky about it (well,as panicky as I ever can get about a subject I don't really care about) buuut I studied a lot (see: about an hour last night and half an hour today) and it paid off. It was pretty easy and I didn't even really neeeed to know holidays that much. So HURRAH HURRAH
Also CuteGermanBoy got a haircut and it's totally hot. :3 He looks like Mr Schu from Glee except blonder.
SOOOO YEP
I've got to kill about an hourrr until Susan gets outta class and I've got nothing at all do to. No homework. No studying. Well, I do kind of have an essay to do that's due on December 1st but I need to print out the documents so there's not much I can do right now. I COULD work on my NaNoWriMo which, despite my colossal victory of 4000 WOOOOOOOOOOOORDS written on Sunday, I wrote nothing yesterday and I was still behind ANYWAYS so now I'm like 5000 words behind again and it makes me sad. BUT I didn't bring my laptop and I didn't email it to myself because I am a dumb. I COUUUULD work on it because I do kind of remember precisely where I left off, but... this is not a conducive working environment. There are strangers who can see my computer (which, interestingly enough, I don't mind them watching VlogBrothers along with me, but the concept of them possibly reading any of my story TERRIFIES ME) and there is internet and there is NO POWER LIMIT.
I've been watching VlogBrothers which baaaaaasically is this awesome YouTube Vlog where these two brothers revoke all textual communication for a year and have to make a video every other day to communicate with each other or else FACE THEIR WRAAAAAAAAATH. Well, or else get a punishment. For example, waxing their beard. (DO NOT DO THIS. SERIOUS FACIAL DAMAGE MAY OCCUR.) They decided to go BEYOND the year and do a vlog entry every other day for the last 3 years. This means that I have like 600 videos to watch. Luckily they're only 4 minutes tops. I'm almost done May of the first year. I started onnnnn Saturday? Yeah. I haven't been doing much else. Right now I have half my screen on Blogger and half of it is YouTube. It's pretty hilarious, they're totally geeky and wonderful.
I'm feeling a lot better about life in general than I was on Friday night. I've gotten over the love thing which was my main cause of angst (or at least the most sharply felt at the time). I mean, I still like the guy (unfortunately; I talked to him and it was like YEP THERE IT IS) but I'm like meh I'll get over him and find a WONDERFUL STUNNING MAN WHO WILL LOVE HARRY POTTER AND WILL DANCE WITH ME AND WILL LIKE TO CUDDLE. (Yeeees those are 3 of my requirements. Don't hate.) It occurs to me that there are a shit-ton of reaaaaaally nerdy weird wonderful guys out there. I just need to meet one and make him fall in love with me.
...Holy shit they have a thing in Amsterdam which is like DDR but it's a chime on the ground. I WANT TO GO TO AMSTERDAM SPECIFICALLY TO DANCE ON THIS CHIME. It was on VlogBrothers and he did his happy dance on them.
Maaaaaaan I want to travel and find weird shit like that!
Anyways, I'm going to wander off and do something else. I have wasted a whole 10 MINUTES WRITING THIS BLOG POST. I wish it were longer. Oh well. ADIEU ADIEU
So I'm reaaaaally hyper and I don't know why. I think it's because I ate breakfast today. Like a proper breakfast. Well, not really a proper breakfast. I had Poptarts and Coke. YEAHHH NOT HEALTHY BUT SOOO DELICIOUS
I had a German test this morning. I was kind of panicky about it (well,as panicky as I ever can get about a subject I don't really care about) buuut I studied a lot (see: about an hour last night and half an hour today) and it paid off. It was pretty easy and I didn't even really neeeed to know holidays that much. So HURRAH HURRAH
Also CuteGermanBoy got a haircut and it's totally hot. :3 He looks like Mr Schu from Glee except blonder.
SOOOO YEP
I've got to kill about an hourrr until Susan gets outta class and I've got nothing at all do to. No homework. No studying. Well, I do kind of have an essay to do that's due on December 1st but I need to print out the documents so there's not much I can do right now. I COULD work on my NaNoWriMo which, despite my colossal victory of 4000 WOOOOOOOOOOOORDS written on Sunday, I wrote nothing yesterday and I was still behind ANYWAYS so now I'm like 5000 words behind again and it makes me sad. BUT I didn't bring my laptop and I didn't email it to myself because I am a dumb. I COUUUULD work on it because I do kind of remember precisely where I left off, but... this is not a conducive working environment. There are strangers who can see my computer (which, interestingly enough, I don't mind them watching VlogBrothers along with me, but the concept of them possibly reading any of my story TERRIFIES ME) and there is internet and there is NO POWER LIMIT.
I've been watching VlogBrothers which baaaaaasically is this awesome YouTube Vlog where these two brothers revoke all textual communication for a year and have to make a video every other day to communicate with each other or else FACE THEIR WRAAAAAAAAATH. Well, or else get a punishment. For example, waxing their beard. (DO NOT DO THIS. SERIOUS FACIAL DAMAGE MAY OCCUR.) They decided to go BEYOND the year and do a vlog entry every other day for the last 3 years. This means that I have like 600 videos to watch. Luckily they're only 4 minutes tops. I'm almost done May of the first year. I started onnnnn Saturday? Yeah. I haven't been doing much else. Right now I have half my screen on Blogger and half of it is YouTube. It's pretty hilarious, they're totally geeky and wonderful.
I'm feeling a lot better about life in general than I was on Friday night. I've gotten over the love thing which was my main cause of angst (or at least the most sharply felt at the time). I mean, I still like the guy (unfortunately; I talked to him and it was like YEP THERE IT IS) but I'm like meh I'll get over him and find a WONDERFUL STUNNING MAN WHO WILL LOVE HARRY POTTER AND WILL DANCE WITH ME AND WILL LIKE TO CUDDLE. (Yeeees those are 3 of my requirements. Don't hate.) It occurs to me that there are a shit-ton of reaaaaaally nerdy weird wonderful guys out there. I just need to meet one and make him fall in love with me.
...Holy shit they have a thing in Amsterdam which is like DDR but it's a chime on the ground. I WANT TO GO TO AMSTERDAM SPECIFICALLY TO DANCE ON THIS CHIME. It was on VlogBrothers and he did his happy dance on them.
Maaaaaaan I want to travel and find weird shit like that!
Anyways, I'm going to wander off and do something else. I have wasted a whole 10 MINUTES WRITING THIS BLOG POST. I wish it were longer. Oh well. ADIEU ADIEU
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Post the Twenty-Seventh: My Head is Going to Explode
Hellooo.
I'm not in a very good mood right now so sorry if this blog entry is somewhat blehh.
WHY am I not in a very good mood? Because my life is not going the way I want it to currently...
1) Working on NaNoWriMo. I'm sure you guys know what that is. If not, Google it. So, yeah, I'm behind about 1 day, which isn't MUCH, I could catch up if I really worked hard, but I'm the sort of person who gets disheartened by small things and they loom over me and the logic goes 'why work on something when you're already behind', so I get further behind and arrrrgh. I've been behind for about a week... I worked really hard last Friday and Saturday to catch up, and then on Sunday I barely touched it due to PMS and also being wiped out from working hard on Saturday. So yeah, I'm still a day behind. My story is going to plan, everything's working out swimmingly, it's just a matter of ignoring the fact that I'm behind so that I can catch up.
2) Love life sucks. I've recently (see: this week and especially today) come to grips with the fact that the guy who I'm interested in is not and will likely never be mutually interested in me. Also he's kind of still in love with one of my best friends. SO. That's, um, wonderful. And once again I'm friendzoned. I am so tired of the friendzone, you have no idea. I know all the consolatory phrases and adages about true love being hard to find and better to have loved and blah blah blah, but it's really really really frustrating, and it makes me question what's so horrible about myself. And I KNOW I'm being stupid. I'm just saying, that's how I feel.
3) University is raping me. I know I often say that I don't find university that hard, but I admit it is a bit stressful. I feel like I should be a lot more concerned about it than I feel. I am stressed from it but I'm not constantly dwelling on it. School-related stress is like a natural part of life now. But still, it does compound the other stresses.
4) Constant bullshit and stress at home. My mom has been increasingly needlessly demanding and horrible. My stress levels are increasing with all the other stuff, and she's just adding onto it. I don't feel like I'm respected at all, that I'm only there to be her servant. I'd move out, but...
5) Poor. I have no money and I know if I got a job right now I'd spontaneously combust from stress. I don't even have money from student loans because my mom won't fill out the forms because she's too lazy. It's not because she's BUSY -- she spends her evening playing video games while I work on homework and NaNoWriMo and she yells at me for being lazy and not doing housework -- it's just because she's lazy. And she won't give me money. So I go to university and my stomach starts growling at noon and I'm not home 'til 8 PM and I can't do jack-shit about it because I have NO MONEY.
6) I KNOW THIS IS BULLSHIT, BUT. I feel like with my friend's relationships a lot of the time I'm the one who listens to complaints and gives advice and there's no reciprocity. In fact, the only one who I feel like I can complain a little bit to is Jessica (THANK YOU JESSICA, ILU <333). All my other friends... I could be sitting there, having a horrible day, and I don't feel like I can talk to them about it because they're caught up in their own thing.
7)I'm just tired. Tired of everything. Tired of school, tired of constantly working, tired of my relationships with others... tired of life. I have no energy. And I know others have it worse than me, but for me right now this is a lot and I'm having trouble handling it all.
And to top it all off, I have a really bad headache right now.
So, to stop myself from being emo, I'm going to take some painkillers and go to bed. Maybe things will look brighter in the morning. Or maybe, like every other day, I'll wake up and realize that nothing at all has changed and get slowly more and more depressed about it as the day goes on until you have THIS, me at midnight, just wanting to end it all. (I won't kill myself, don't worry. Even the thought of that exhausts me further.)
Night, y'all.
I'm not in a very good mood right now so sorry if this blog entry is somewhat blehh.
WHY am I not in a very good mood? Because my life is not going the way I want it to currently...
1) Working on NaNoWriMo. I'm sure you guys know what that is. If not, Google it. So, yeah, I'm behind about 1 day, which isn't MUCH, I could catch up if I really worked hard, but I'm the sort of person who gets disheartened by small things and they loom over me and the logic goes 'why work on something when you're already behind', so I get further behind and arrrrgh. I've been behind for about a week... I worked really hard last Friday and Saturday to catch up, and then on Sunday I barely touched it due to PMS and also being wiped out from working hard on Saturday. So yeah, I'm still a day behind. My story is going to plan, everything's working out swimmingly, it's just a matter of ignoring the fact that I'm behind so that I can catch up.
2) Love life sucks. I've recently (see: this week and especially today) come to grips with the fact that the guy who I'm interested in is not and will likely never be mutually interested in me. Also he's kind of still in love with one of my best friends. SO. That's, um, wonderful. And once again I'm friendzoned. I am so tired of the friendzone, you have no idea. I know all the consolatory phrases and adages about true love being hard to find and better to have loved and blah blah blah, but it's really really really frustrating, and it makes me question what's so horrible about myself. And I KNOW I'm being stupid. I'm just saying, that's how I feel.
3) University is raping me. I know I often say that I don't find university that hard, but I admit it is a bit stressful. I feel like I should be a lot more concerned about it than I feel. I am stressed from it but I'm not constantly dwelling on it. School-related stress is like a natural part of life now. But still, it does compound the other stresses.
4) Constant bullshit and stress at home. My mom has been increasingly needlessly demanding and horrible. My stress levels are increasing with all the other stuff, and she's just adding onto it. I don't feel like I'm respected at all, that I'm only there to be her servant. I'd move out, but...
5) Poor. I have no money and I know if I got a job right now I'd spontaneously combust from stress. I don't even have money from student loans because my mom won't fill out the forms because she's too lazy. It's not because she's BUSY -- she spends her evening playing video games while I work on homework and NaNoWriMo and she yells at me for being lazy and not doing housework -- it's just because she's lazy. And she won't give me money. So I go to university and my stomach starts growling at noon and I'm not home 'til 8 PM and I can't do jack-shit about it because I have NO MONEY.
6) I KNOW THIS IS BULLSHIT, BUT. I feel like with my friend's relationships a lot of the time I'm the one who listens to complaints and gives advice and there's no reciprocity. In fact, the only one who I feel like I can complain a little bit to is Jessica (THANK YOU JESSICA, ILU <333). All my other friends... I could be sitting there, having a horrible day, and I don't feel like I can talk to them about it because they're caught up in their own thing.
7)I'm just tired. Tired of everything. Tired of school, tired of constantly working, tired of my relationships with others... tired of life. I have no energy. And I know others have it worse than me, but for me right now this is a lot and I'm having trouble handling it all.
And to top it all off, I have a really bad headache right now.
So, to stop myself from being emo, I'm going to take some painkillers and go to bed. Maybe things will look brighter in the morning. Or maybe, like every other day, I'll wake up and realize that nothing at all has changed and get slowly more and more depressed about it as the day goes on until you have THIS, me at midnight, just wanting to end it all. (I won't kill myself, don't worry. Even the thought of that exhausts me further.)
Night, y'all.
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